Negative and hurtful words spoken between
people can damage hearts and lives.
“You are fat,” “You will never fi t in,” then when
she stands in front of a mirror she sees — even
if it is not real — a fat and ugly person, a
castoff , and someone who is not worthy.
Negative words generate a powerful
bio-emotional reaction that shapes the
distorted stories we create about ourselves and
cause s us to lose sight of the goodness of our
humanity: our true selves. Negative and hurtful
words spoken between people can damage hearts
and lives. They bury themselves deep inside and
haunt us for years, if not for life, often destroying
human potential, goodness, and worthiness. Every
one of us has been aff ected by some form of verbal
attack, and I suspect that most of us have used
words that have harmed others.
When the heart is angry, insecure, envious,
prejudiced, and prideful, what comes out will
be words that harm and dehumanize. People
may hurt others with words in order to build
themselves up and to feel good about themselves
because they suff er from self-hatred or a lack of
self-confi dence and self-esteem.
Verbal realism works both ways. If words help
to create our reality and that of others, then why
not make that reality positive, constructive, and
beautiful? Don Miguel Ruiz suggests that our
happiness is up to us, and it is his opinion that
happiness occurs when we are ‘impeccable with our
speech.’ Being impeccable with our speech means
that we use words for encouraging, for building
up, and for healing ourselves and others. We never
use words in self-judgment or to judge others nor
emotionally to harm ourselves or others.
Healing of the heart begins when words speak
life to us. Being impeccable with our words
means that we talk positively to ourselves and
with family, friends, spouses, co-workers, or even
strangers. Positive, encouraging words build up
self-esteem and self-confi dence because they
show support and respect, stimulate positive
emotions, honor and protect, inspire and
empower, and, most importantly, build trust and
show compassion.
Being impeccable with our speech, even when
it is diffi cult to do so, and being mindful of what
comes out of our mouth allows us to take a quiet
moment to relax, to breathe, and then to let
our words arise from kindness, understanding,
self-assurance, and self-love. What then emerges
is always love.
In your conversations, ask yourself some
pointed questions. Are my thoughts kind? Will
these words build up or tear apart? Will my
speech make the world a more loving place? If
the answer to these questions is no, then in that
moment silence is the best response.
Words have the power of life and death. Choose
life. Choose love. Always be aware of how you
engage with others and, as much as possible, be
impeccable with your words. ●
news&views WINTER 2018 | 17