the Institute of Gerontology at Sweden ’ s Jönköping University has published multiple studies assessing how well this “ cohabitation guarantee ” is achieving its aim of helping older couples benefit from being together in their final years . Doing this well , she concludes , demands “ a new way of conceptualizing the spouse ’ s role and involvement in the nursing home , from visitor to co-resident .”
Through interviews with residents and staff , Torgé discovered that not all municipalities and care centres have made that conceptual shift . Some centres provide services only to the person needing care , while others fully incorporate the coresident into the life of the centre . Some welcome co-residents ’ caregiving and support their respite needs , while others have difficulty balancing staff and partner care . Some have apartments big enough for a couple , while most have only single rooms . Some name only the partner needing care on the housing contract , leaving the co-resident to worry about having no home after the resident dies .
In centres that focus on the individual resident rather than the couple , co-residents tend to feel inbetween : not quite residents , not quite caregivers , not quite at home . Torgé recalls a man in that situation who wanted to live with his wife in care but eventually became suicidal — and only then was acknowledged and supported as a resident in his own right .
Cheryl and her dad on a pre-COVID-19 stroll
As she writes , “ Supporting the spousal caregiver should perhaps not be seen as outside the scope of the staff ’ s work but rather part of it , just as the spouses ’ informal care contributes to the care provided by staff .”
Living together in care is not for every couple , Torgé muses . “ It is a kind of sacrifice . You change what ’ s left of your life for the sake of another person . But I think it really does make a lot of difference to be with . Just being with a person can give a lot of joy .” Living together also opens opportunities to show affection and maintain intimacy through such simple acts as bathing or feeding , she adds . “ So I think what the law makes possible is for couples in rich relationships to be able to live through that closeness until death .”
Would my father have benefited from living with my stepmother in her last days ? Based on Torgé ’ s research , I ’ d say it all depends on the investment of everyone involved . On the care behind the care .
Cheryl Mahaffy is a freelance writer based in Edmonton , a 24-hour drive from her father ’ s apartment in Iowa . Mid-pandemic , she ’ s feeling that distance more acutely than ever .
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